I
don’t
Just
I was never prepared for whatever this thing is.
I wake up and I’m a ten year old again, back in my old room and everything. Mom’s
in the kitchen making breakfast, dad’s already gone off to work. Mom looks at
me and starts asking me why I haven’t made a lot of friends, asking me what’s
wrong with me, saying it’s hard on her when I don’t communicate. I try to
answer but no sound comes out and she starts bawling her eyes out. Then it changes and she says that I'm such a good kid and that I'm having my birthday party soon with lots of my friends and what the fuck? She never said anything like that to me
Then I’m back at my old school and… you know those dreams where you feel like
you’re a third-party and just watching yourself? Well it was kind of like that
and I was off to the side, watching myself walk down the hall. Except I’m… not
myself. I’m walking with friends that I never had, having conversations that never
happened.
And then we’re at my graduation which is bullshit because I’m a fucking high
school dropout so where’s this graduation coming from? But my parents, they
look happy… friends are congratulating me and stuff.
…
Bullshit, all of it. None of that ever happened, okay? None of that ever
fucking happened, no matter how much I wish it did.
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